I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
