I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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