Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
