I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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