with your own penis?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
