Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
