I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
