4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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