there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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