Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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