I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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