he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
