I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
