The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
