No stitches, just platelets and will power
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
