Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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