well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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