So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
