is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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