Your face is a jimmy john
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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