Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
