he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
