are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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