I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
