There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
