I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
