i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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