it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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