If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
