I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
