your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
