I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Randomize
