i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
