Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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