just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
