girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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