If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She announced her abortion via fbk
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
