so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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