their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
