Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
