What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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