508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
