On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
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Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize