The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
