atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
