I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
