Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
