And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
