if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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