Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
