marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
