Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
