All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
