I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
