I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize