I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
