she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
