Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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